Dear G-d,
Please excuse me and my kids from attending the High Holiday services this year for Rosh Hashanah. As you know, we have been sick this week and have missed too much work and school. Do you need a doctor's note? I do have apples, honey, and for some creepy reason, a ram's horn at home, so we will do our thing there if that's okay. We did go to services last year, and I'm not complaining because we were all inscribed in the book of life, but, well, last year really sucked for all of us. It sucked hard. But things are really looking up now and I don't want to do anything to mess that up, so can you give me some kind of sign if I need to do something extra, like a make up day or something? How about if you put Showtime back on Time Warner, then I'll know we are cool.
We girls have tried really hard to do great things for others, and, well you know who, she's just a teenager acting out and has a big heart and almost actually cleaned her room yesterday. Give her a break please. I read that you created me in your image, so I guess you've gained like seven pounds too. I will eat healthier starting now. For both of us. Also, you know how you let Abraham sacrifice a ram, well, remember what happened to the tadpoles we were raising, right? Can we call that a gesture? I know I'm not perfect but I know I'm a caring person, and I'm getting wiser, and stronger, and facing all of the crappy things that have been put in my path like a Maccabee Ninja Chick. Thanks for the strength.
I know I question you, your choices, your existence and the crazy people on tv that say they know you, but I'm hoping you dig the fact that this letter is powered by intellect and love rather than fear. I always say "Whatever G-d you believe in, we come from the same one." That's from a McLemore song. Not the holiest thing I could have quoted, but cool, right?
I have a little bit of time before Yom Kippur to reflect for stuff I screwed up, and oh my You, that's going to be a lot of Big Chief pages, but I think that was one of your best ideas! This way people can work stuff out, tie up loose ends, forgive and move on. Way to go on that one! I guess it makes up for the not eating pork thing. Bacon is so darn good. Perhaps that would be the one thing I would teach you in return for stuff you've taught us.
The most important thing I think you have ever taught us is not to do things that are hateful to us, unto others. So I have remained kind to you know who, even though you know who and family, et al. treat me like you know what. I have to say, it is not easy. Did you freaking see what they did to my kid last week? But did you see how this week I was still kind and helpful? Write that down. It was super hard.
Last month a bunch of people prayed for my family when, well, you know, and we survived better than I could have imagined. Was that you? High five from all of us! Really. Moses would be totally jelly. That was epic. I am speechless. Thank you.
I know I am not your best child, but I'm sure I'm not your worst. Hang in there with me.
Love,
Rachelle
