I had a dreadful and disheartening week, so, on Friday, I rounded up my children, herded them into the car, and headed for the woods to the The Middle of Nowhere.
I just read that last sentence again and it didn't sound right. Not only were there too many commas, but I didn't Freddy Krueger round up the children. I Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold rounded up up the children. My plan was for us to plunge into nature and search for God or tadpoles or those flint rocks that look like an Indian may have been trying to carve them and, most importantly, a campsite sequestered from modern amenities with an electrical outlet for my Keurig and laptop. By the end of the weekend, we found all of the above.
I just read that last sentence again and it didn't sound right. Not only were there too many commas, but I didn't Freddy Krueger round up the children. I Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold rounded up up the children. My plan was for us to plunge into nature and search for God or tadpoles or those flint rocks that look like an Indian may have been trying to carve them and, most importantly, a campsite sequestered from modern amenities with an electrical outlet for my Keurig and laptop. By the end of the weekend, we found all of the above.
We settled in to our new temporary home with a feeling of renewal, that only mother nature can provide, and tub full of junk food, that only PMS can ensure. We made a small fire and sat around our table under the stars and got ready to eat our dinner consisting of pb&j sandwiches and powdered sugar Hostess Donettes. Before we started to eat, my seven year old stood up on the table (because in the woods you can do shit like that). With one hand she aimed the flashlight under her face and with the other she raised her bottle of root beer and said, "Stop! Nobody eat! I want to make toast!" We all complied and raised our beverages. She spoke in resounding diminutive wisdom, "I am thankful for my mom for giving me this awesome family, and I am thankful for God for the food we are about to eat." And then she look puzzled and stood for while with her root beer bottle raised high in the air and said, "Do I say 'cheers' or 'amen'?"
Without missing a beat, we all cried, "CHAYYYYYMENN!"
The weekend was restoring for us all and we laughed more than we slept, waded through rivers, danced, climbed trees, played frisbee baseball, roasted marshmallows, told ghost stories, and peed in the woods. But, the most meaningful part of our vacation in the great outdoors, for me, was being surrounded by my family. By the time we left, I was a different person from when I arrived. For better or for worse, my family helps put everything in perspective, and that they did when they presented me the greatest compliment a mother could ever receive when they proclaimed, "You put the 'fun' in "dysfunctional'!"
Without missing a beat, we all laughed, "CHAYYYYYMENN!"
With a carload of sleeping smelly children, I drove home reluctantly, listening to the Beatles, and fantasized about how I could take my broken wings and learn to fly. And then it hit me. Like a flash of redneck lightning! My younguns and I should learn to carve duck whistles! And stop shaving! And say shit like, "Bless your heart!" We could live in The Middle of Nowhere, perhaps near a mall, and live happily ever after!
Without missing a beat, I hollered "CHAYYYYYMENN!"
Without missing a beat, we all laughed, "CHAYYYYYMENN!"
With a carload of sleeping smelly children, I drove home reluctantly, listening to the Beatles, and fantasized about how I could take my broken wings and learn to fly. And then it hit me. Like a flash of redneck lightning! My younguns and I should learn to carve duck whistles! And stop shaving! And say shit like, "Bless your heart!" We could live in The Middle of Nowhere, perhaps near a mall, and live happily ever after!
Without missing a beat, I hollered "CHAYYYYYMENN!"
