Now that I'm a little bit older than 20, Shut Up, it is probably time for me to start thinking about what I put into my body. I am so busy that there is simply not enough time to cook every night. I exercise and take vitamins every day, but to be honest, I don’t do that because I care about my health, I do that so I can eat lots of crap and still look good. I do, however, have a kitchen full of fruits, vegetables and healthy stuff for the kids to eat, but I know that it's time for me to follow suit. I'm not getting any younger, and I am starting to realize that the foods I am eating, with all of their preservatives, additives, hormones and unmentionable animal parts, could possibly be killing me. Slowly. Malignantly. Wickedly. Inconspicuously. Like a Dark Passenger. God, I really shouldn't write after midnight. Ignore that last part.
TOP TEN SIGNS THAT MY NUTRITIONAL
VALUES PEAKED AT THE AGE OF FOUR
10) My favorite vegitable is the french fry.
9) My favorite Mexican food is chips with butter.
8) I am convinced that Chik Fil A nuggets are double the protein as they are fried in peanut oil.
7) The only condiment I like is cream gravy. And it goes with everything.
6) I still eat Froot Loops. One color at a time. Red last. Because it's my favorite color.
5) I still put potato chips in my peanut butter sandwiches but I always look around and make sure nobody is watching because the kids at summer camp made fun of me.
4) The only green foods I truly love are green M&Ms and green Skittles.
3) The only reason I attend sporting events is because they serve cotton candy.
2) I eat bread. With everything. Which has nothing to do with being four years old, but holy shit... Have you seen the size of my ass?
And... Please don't judge...
1) I just ate the whole stack Oreo exteriors that my 7 year old child left for me on my nightstand after she licked off the stuff in the middle.
I really did read that the coffee bean is a fruit. Is there a Richard Simmons Branch of the Betty Ford Clinic?
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