Oh, Miley

Dear Concerned Parents,

You are too freaked out about the dangers of your teen attending the Miley Cyrus concert!     

When I was younger, I went to an AC/DC concert and didn't take the Highway to Hell. I went to a Van Halen concert and David Lee Roth's backless pants didn't make me promiscuous. Ronnie James Dio did not turn me into a War Pig. Ozzy Osborne did not propel me to urinate on the Alamo. The Red Hot Chili Peppers concert did not make me rock with a sock on my cock. And the Erasure concert didn't make me a Victim of Love. Or super gay. Madonna did, however, make me wear a fake mole on my face and a bunch of bracelets for about a year. And the Cheap Trick concert taught me to Surrender without giving myself away. And even though Triumph told me that I've got the Magic Power of the music in me, I believed Rush, and always chose Free Will. Tommy Tutone apparently had the greatest influence over my brain as I still, on occasion, feel compelled to call Jenny's number.  But I am still Jewish after Depeche Mode begged me to get my own personal Jesus. And also, sadly to date, after attending two Aerosmith concerts I have yet to experience Love In An Elevator.  And I turned out okay. 

You have worked hard and have done a wonderful job with your kids, parents.  Let them enjoy the music of their generation! Even if you don't understand it. 

Sincerely, 

Jessie's Girl 

Ronnie James Dio circa 1980s